Lesson not learnt
by WhoYouReallyAre
Summary: Duffy's family life is about to become more difficult. Something I started writing ages ago and just came across. Completed for now, may add to later.
1. Chapter 1

Ignoring the increasing feeling of panic in the pit of her stomach she instead focussed on the task at hand, trying to convince her stubborn two and a half year old to come over to her and put his shoes on. Instead he was running around the hall crying "no!" with so much energy she just didn't have today. Her patience was unusually thin causing her to snap at the difficult toddler just as her partner came round the corner into the hall. His face creased in confusion, it wasn't like her to snap at Paul if anyone it was him who'd crack. Her head was bowed, eyes shut, as she used two of her fingers to massage her forehead in frustration, he wasn't sure she'd even seen him. He manages to grab the energetic toddler just as he makes a bolt for the kitchen before sitting him forcefully down on the stairs and finally succeeding in getting his darn shoes on. Duffy on the other hand simply forces herself up off the floor before attempting to leave Ryan to it, as if he'd left her off that easily.

"Lisa?" She stopped dead, not up to this conversation at all. "Is everything alright?" Bundling the toddler into his arms he jumps back on his feet before placing a worried hand on his partners shoulder.

She flinches despite trying her hardest not too and simply shakes her head desperately trying to keep her emotions at bay. "I just don't feel very well." she begins to leave the room before adding "and I'm going to be late."  
Calling after her, Paul still in his arms, he doesn't buy it for a second but knew better than to question her now. "I'll get the kids sorted, you head."

A "Are you sure?" was called back before a "Okay thanks, See you later." and the door shutting. No goodbye to the kids, the other were still attempting to get up, and no goodbye kiss. He hadn't a clue what was wrong with her but it was beginning to worry him. She'd been off for the past few weeks and it was only getting worse. They'd been happy since moving to New Zealand a year ago now but maybe she was regretting it.

Driving to work, a maternity hospital not far from home, it was the last place she wanted to be right now to the point where she'd considered phoning in sick but simply couldn't do it knowing how short staffed they were right now. The job was part time but recently she'd been doing more and more hours thanks to lack of staff. This wasn't the plan. Plus her boss Darcy wouldn't buy it. Maybe a busy shift would distract her? She didn't hold out much hope though. She was just about to get out her car when she realised she hadn't said bye to the kids setting off a completely irrational set of tears she just couldn't stop. She was definitely going to be late now.

Some hours later she was hunched over a desk attempting to catch up on paperwork since for once it wasn't a busy shift but unbeknown to her there was eyes on her. Darcy wouldn't say she knew Duffy terribly well, there was a lot about her home life she simply didn't discuss but she could tell a mile of that her head was not here today and when Duffy was distracted something was wrong. If she were to be honest with herself she'd noticed Duffy was off for the past week or two but it was getting obvious now. Thankfully all the other staff were busy elsewhere leaving just Darcy and Duffy in the office, a rare occurrence, walking forward she shuts the door over to stop anyone disturbing them before taking a seat to Duffy.

Her head shot up on hearing the door close over but on seeing a determined looking Darcy heading for her she could only let out a heavy sigh. She was a good boss by all accounts, fair understanding and strict in the right areas. She was about 5 or so years older than Duffy and probably the person she identified most with in this place but right now she didn't want to talk and obviously Darcy did.

"Something wrong?" She lets out a small smile, enough to let Duffy know exactly what was wrong before she says a word.

"You tell me." Rolling her eyes she turns away from her boss, going back to her paperwork grumbling an answer. Hoping to be left alone.  
"I don't know what you are talking about." She laughs, rolling her eyes in reply too now and only moves closer to her obviously stressed out staff member.  
"Oh yeah? Then how come you have avoided every patient in this place as if they are carrying the plague? Not to mention the staff." Protesting, slightly too much, she spins round the chair too fast making her feel sick.

"I have not! You were the one complaining we'd got behind on paperwork." Giving her a simple look she sighs, this wasn't going to be easy and was obviously more serious than she'd expected.

"Come on Duffy. It's not that and you know it." Her head was firmly back in the paperwork, signifying the conversation was over as far as she was concerned.

"As I said I'm just catching up on paperwork." It was Duffy's turn to sigh now, telling herself not to get upset or she really would guess.  
"Okay that's today. What about the past few weeks?" Ignorance was the only card she had left now, whilst screaming drop it in her head.

"I don't know what you mean." Sighing this wasn't going anywhere, she couldn't make her open up even if it would help her. Plus it really was none of her business as it hadn't really affected her work. Yet. Yes she was avoiding the patients but she was right paperwork did really need caught up on and when you had a ward of babies to coo over or woman in agony it rarely got focussed on.

"Duffy...If something is going on you can talk to me. You don't need to keep it bottled up you know." She could feel her emotions rising to the surface something she couldn't handle right now.. Trying to keep them in check she completely turns her back on Darcy once more hoping to pass the blame onto her youngest.  
"I'm not. I'm just tired and Paul has really reached the terrible twos. He's driving us all mad." Giving in she shrugs her shoulders, unsure if she was been honest or not. Toddlers were a nightmare and she certainly wouldn't have wanted to still be fighting with them in her early forties. But something was stuck in her head and she just had to say it.

Okay if you insist. But if I didn't know any better I'd say you were pregnant." as soon as the words were out she seen the change in her body language. Her whole body stiffened as the room went deadly quiet. She'd expected an instant answer of "As if" or "not funny" but no answer at all was worrying. She felt the instant regret of her words.

"You're not are you?" no answer still. Placing her hands on her shoulder she twists Duffy's chair round to face her. "Duffy?" There were tears in her eyes and she knew if she opened her mouth she wouldn't be able to keep them at bay any longer so instead she just shrugs before burying her face into her hands as she finally cracks.


	2. Chapter 2

"Lisa?" no answer, he raises his voice as he heads towards the living room "Lisa?!" Still nothing. Strange. Very strange. Before he gets a chance to head into the room his partners eldest emerges from the doorway, shutting the door behind him.  
"She's asleep Ryan." Now into his teenage years Peter was wise beyond his years but that also meant he was the hardest to keep on good terms with out the three He always seemed to have a fair idea of what was going on between them. Thankfully Lisa never revealed the reason behind why they'd split and he hadn't managed to pick up on that one or he'd have no hope of having any sort of relationship with the boy. Not that he'd blame him.

"That's the third time this week she's fallen asleep before eight. She's pushing herself too hard." Shrugging Peter wasn't all together sure of what answer Ryan expected him to give. His mum was a difficult person to figure out but then he'd been told on numerous occasions he was just like her so kept that comment to himself.

"She was in a very odd mood when she came home, barely looked at Paul before asking me to watch him then kept away from us all.."

"Paul? She's been really funny with him lately. Odd." realising he was revealing more to the teen than Lisa would approve of he changes the direction of the conversation. "I think your mum needs a holiday. Thanks for watching Paul." Watching Peter head for the front door he quickly adds "Please don't stay out too late, she'll freak."

"Don't worry, I'll be back by 10. See you." Turning from the now shut front door he was met by his exhausted looking partner standing in the living room door way, obviously woken up by their conversation about her. Something was different about her since this morning, she didn't just look tired she looked sick. There was something definitely green about the pallor of her skin.

"Do you always discuss me and my parenting flaws with my children?" Her arms were folded signalling only one thing...he was in the doghouse.

"Of course not! I wasn't. Peter is just worried about you, so am I for that matter. Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Her features didn't soften in the way he hoped they would instead she seemed to tense up more than she already had. Taking a step forward he places both hands upon her shoulders hoping to calm her down but instead she violently flinches stepping further away from him.

"Don't." Her eyes were so hurt why he hadn't a clue. This was such an extreme reaction to nothing. "Don't try to use the fact I was sick the other week now. I've asked you before to watch what you talk to Peter about. He's still a child Ryan! He seen far too much of Andrew and mine problems don't put anything else on him."

He wanted to bite back, explain he didn't share too much with Peter nor was he using her sick bug as an excuse to get out of it. He genuinely was worried about her. He'd never seen her like this before she was so emotional if he didn't know better he'd have made a comment that it must be her time of the month but it simply wasn't worth it. Instead he sighs, giving up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you or overstep the mark with Peter. Why don't I sort Paul out for bed and you get an early night?" Her features still refused to soften instead she makes a break for the stairs, throwing back her reply full of stubborn determination. "I'm perfectly capable of putting my own son to bed thank you." Leaving Ryan confused at the bottom of the stairs wondering what on earth he did to upset her so much.

The next morning she'd woke at five am with the overwhelming urge to be sick. Not again. She couldn't pass it off as a stomach bug again. There was no denying the truth any longer. He was going to guess. She wasn't ready. Not yet. Rushing out the room she left him sound asleep in bed hoping with all her mite that she'd make it to the downstairs bathroom where no one would hear her. She did. Just. Her mind flashes back to last night the guilt flooding in with the memory, she'd reacted completely irrationally. The poor bloke hadn't done anything wrong. But she couldn't apologise without explaining why she was suddenly so emotionally irrational. Finally able to push herself off the bathroom floor she heads through to the kitchen only for her eyes to catch a glimpse of her figure in the floor length mirror situated in the hall. Her once flat stomach, something that wasn't easy for her to achieve after Paul, was gone instead replaced with something she wouldn't be able to pass of as just bloat for much longer. The truth was this had been going on a lot longer than anyone else had realised. The subject of more children, or children at all in Ryan's case, had never come up they already had their hands full with a teenager, child and a demanding toddler. Placing one hand across her abdomen she wasn't at all sure she was prepared for another child more so after her pregnancy with Paul. If Ryan reacted anywhere near the way Andrew had done she knew she wouldn't cope. She didn't have her mum, Colette and Charlie here to support her this time and although she'd made friends they didn't know her like her friends back home did.

Walking towards the kitchen she was still stood in the hall, one hand placed on her stomach. Her face was full of worry or maybe fear was a better word and her skin so pale she looked deathly. That's when the thought hit him, an explanation to all this, he just didn't know how he felt about it.

"Lisa?" Shock filled her face as she jumped back in fright. "Please tell me what's wrong. You're scaring me." Her chest began to rise and fall rapidly only confirming what he suspected as her eyes fell to the floor. Her mouth opened to reply on more than one occasion but no words came out, it was up to him. Walking close to her he takes her into her arms, somewhere she went gladly.

"You're pregnant aren't you?" Tears this time, so many tears as she completely broke in front of him in a way he'd never seen her do before. Keeping his grasp on her as she shook in his arms all he could muster was "Shh...Everything is going to be fine. We'll be fine. Shh..."


	3. Chapter 3

Having eventually calmed her down enough he hands her a cup of tea, to which she wrinkles her nose at. The mere though of it making her stomach heave.

"Drink it Lisa. Please. You need to drink, we aren't in England any more, you'll make yourself really sick." Rolling her eyes at him she lifts the mug up without making any attempt to drink it's contents. Before long the boys would all be up and about by which time any chance to properly talk would be gone she hardly thought this discussion was important right now.

"How much I drink is hardly important right now Ryan!" Rubbing her head, which was now pounding due to the amount of tears she'd shed she waited for a reaction, any. So far all he'd done was comfort her and make her a cup a tea, he'd barely said a word and in her experience that wasn't a good sign. Well it wasn't with Andrew anyway.

"I think it is! I don't want to see you admitted to hospital with dehydration. Are you sure about this? You've had it confirmed?" Sitting on the chair across from her he couldn't read much from her expressions or body language bar stress. To the point he was so worried about her that he hadn't taken in what was happening. Yes he understood she was pregnant but it hadn't hit him that it meant he was about to come a father not just a step father but a first time dad at his age.

"Yes of course I'm sure but I'm guessing you mean a test." Letting his head fall to one side he sighs, she wasn't making this easy nor settling his worry.

"I'll get you one." Scoffing she shakes her head before getting to her feet, running one hand down her abdomen forcing his attention to it. Not that it was terribly obvious but to someone who knew her body very well it was a definite change, and fast.

"I hardly see the point. Unless you think I've just put on weight. But yes I've already taken one." Getting to his own feet he places his hands around her waist, worried about her getting wound up again, still not taking in how much his life was about to change.

"I'm sorry, I had to ask. Paul will be up soon I'll get him ready if you want to get some more rest." Pushing him away, wary about falling into the comfort of his hold again she begins to yell, seemingly unable to make him understand.

"No I don't want to rest I want you to stop worrying about me as if I'm a sick child and talk to me about this!" when he wasn't instant with a reply she continued, her blood pressure quickly rising. "If you don't want this I want to know now Ryan! I'm not going through all this crap again. I just can't!" Confusion filled his face as he steps forward once more placing his arms on her shoulders.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Her face just breaks, the memories of those last few months with Andrew flooding back as the tears once more begin to fall. Her marriage to Andrew was something she rarely brought up, more so with the boys around. He hadn't a clue about just how difficult her pregnancy with Paul had been. Her voice is soft, weary and full of pain. "I can't spend months waiting for you to decide if you want this baby or not, if you don't then please tell me now so the boys and me can go." The word go didn't mean leave the house he knew full well she meant go home, back to England, back to Holby and Charlie Fairhead.

"Go?! You aren't going anywhere you silly woman! Of course I want this baby why on earth would you think otherwise? What kind of man do you take me for? Come here you fool." As she melts into his hold once more his mind goes to Andrew, surely this reaction had to have come from his response to Paul? The fact she thought he'd even consider walking away from her now was just ludicrous. Maybe now was the right time to find out a bit more about her late husband. But not until he'd calmed her down. Again.

Some hours later he'd managed to get Steve to run the country club for the day, convinced Lisa to take the day off sick from work not that she needed that darn job and suggested to the boys that they play with their little brother outside for a while. She was curled up on the couch when he entered the living room the house phone still at her side from phoning her GP. Looking up at him, her skin was still ever so pale, she offers a half smile before adding "I got an appointment for this afternoon." Nodding, a soft smile on his face, he takes a seat next to her.

"That's good. How are you feeling now?" Shrugging she still couldn't take this in. They'd been so careful! At her age this shouldn't happen.

"Exhausted." thinking back to her behaviour earlier she finally realises how confused he must be "I'm sorry I was so emotional earlier." Shaking off her worry he takes his chance.

"It's fine, it's understandable. I just don't get why you'd think I'd react so badly. How long have you kept this from me?" Letting her head fall against the couch she fails to meet his eye.

"Quite a few weeks..." Shock filled his face once more, shock and hurt.

"Why?" Again her mouth opened but no words came out "Andrew?" A simple nod was all he got in reply. "I don't want to upset you but what happened when you were pregnant with Paul?" Sighing she begins to play with her hands, still not looking up at him.

"He wanted me to have an abortion, not that he'd say that word, we spent most of his last months not talking or fighting about it. After the miscarriage threat he attempted to convince me he'd changed his mind but I didn't believe him. We sorted everything out a few weeks before he died but he was never fully up for another baby." Pausing her voice began to break, the regret spilling out "If I'd just left him he'd still be alive..." Taking her hands into his tightly he forces her to look at him.

"Don't do this to yourself, you weren't to know Lisa. Don't' tare yourself apart for loving him."


	4. Chapter 4

Picking up her toddler as he ran to her she ignores Ryan still standing in the doorway, having waved off the babysitter.

"Lisa..." It had been a few weeks since he'd finally found out about the pregnancy and two scans and a few doctor appointments later, the last of which being today, they were comfortable that everything was progressing normally. But none of that meant they were seeing eye to eye about it all, more so when she insisted on doing things she wasn't meant to be doing.  
"Lisa please! You know you're not supposed to be..." Trailing off as her eldest returned home from school, his younger brother behind him. Peter eyed them both suspiciously this had been the countless time he'd walked in on them disagreeing over god knows what and suddenly shutting up when he arrived. They were hiding something, he just didn't know what.

"Are you two splitting up or something?" Duffy was the first to swing round, Paul wrapped around her side playing with her hair.

"What?! Of course not. Where on earth did you get that idea?" Flinging his bag down under the stair case he shrugs as he watches Ryan's reaction over his mothers.  
"Well you're constantly disagreeing over something but if we come in you shut up." Ryan instantly shoots a "I told you so" look towards Duffy to which she just glares back. Now was not the time to get into all that.

"We aren't splitting up there just some disagreements you don't need to hear. Its nothing. Now come on lets not stand in the hall all evening." Allowing the boys to go ahead, both picking the living room, she takes the quiet second to glare at her partner again before whispering "Not yet."

Leaning over the dishwasher she's half way through filling it as he comes behind her.

"Peter and Jake are off out with friends and Paul is watching cartoons." Barely reacting she continues to fill the dishwasher."Okay." Sighing for a second he's tempted to take over the task she's so intent on focussing on but she'd only get frustrated with him, instead he sits at the kitchen table.

"So can we talk now?" Shutting the dishwasher door she twists and leans against it, not feeling up to this conversation.

"Fine. Can you please stop trying to discuss this when the boys are home. I've told you so many times Peter picks up on everything!" She knew his game, he wanted the kids to know and since she was refusing to tell them he constantly picked a time they were about to bring the baby up. Not to mention they spent half their time disagreeing over what she should and shouldn't be doing, working, picking up Paul, too much time in the sun, not enough time resting. The list went on. She was fed up of him picking at every little thing she did already and he'd only known three weeks.

"I just don't see why we're are keeping this from them now." Letting her head drop she focusses on her swollen stomach, hidden under a jumper totally inappropriate for the weather, instead of Ryan. He just didn't understand.

" I nearly lost Paul at 20 weeks...I don't want them or anyone else to know until after that point." Bar Ryan she'd had only agreed to tell her boss, Ryan still unaware she knew before he did. He'd hoped after today's appointment she'd be less frightened but it obviously hadn't worked. Getting to his feet he places his hands around her waist and bump pulling her close to him.

"You're 16 weeks Lisa I'm sorry but I don't think you'll be able to hide it for another 4 weeks. You can't keep wearing those jumpers, it's too hot. You'll end up passing out and people will guess with you hiding in bagging clothes. Nothing is going to happen love." Shutting her eyes before letting her head drop onto his shoulder she sighs.

"You don't know that." Tightening his hold of her slightly he hadn't realised just how scared she was.

"No I don't but we've had tests and scans, you know as far as we can tell everything is fine. The boys are going to guess, more so Peter. He's already asked me numerous times what's wrong with you." Sighing she knew he was right but she wasn't as confident as Ryan that the boys would be pleased about a new addition.

"Fine, we'll tell them but I doubt they are going to like this. Especially Peter." A big silly grin washed over his face before kissing her with delight she only hoped her sons didn't wipe it from his face.

Minutes later Ryan had rounded up Peter and Jake, there was little point in telling Paul, around the kitchen table where Duffy was already seated. Since he was so excited to tell them anyway she simply smiles at him and nods her head to tell him to get on with it. Moving behind her, he places his hands on her shoulders.

"Your mum and I have some news..." Jake, who'd been paying little attention, head instantly shot up.

"We're not moving again are we?" Duffy smiles, shaking her head.

"No, we're not moving again." Peter on the other hand had a fair idea what they were about to tell them so before anyone else had the chance to say anything was out with it.

"You're having a baby aren't you?" the shock was written all over his mums face as soon as his words were out, so much so she didn't answer. Instead it was left to his step-dad to confirm the news.

"Yes we are." Peters face remained neutral, taking in the news, whereas his younger brother was less shut off about his feelings.

"Really?! When?" Smiling at her middle child Duffy answered with the expected date but her mind was more focussed on Peter, just like his father no reaction at all was worse than him being openly upset about it.


	5. Chapter 5

Turning over his eyes adjusted to his surroundings, whilst moaning he wanted more sleep to himself. Glancing the clock it shone back at him 03.45, perfect he had hours yet. Seconds before he's about to shut his eyes he registered that Duffy was sitting up, wide awake with both hands resting on the top of her stomach.

"Lisa?" his voice is groggy from sleep as he rubs his head.

"Hmm?" Slowly she turns her head towards him, not up for talking.

"What's wrong?" Shaking her head she gives a fake smile.

"Nothing." Forcing herself to lie back down, despite knowing she wouldn't sleep she adds "Go back to sleep." Despite not buying her words for one second he near enough instantly falls back asleep, too tired to argue with her.

It was 5.30 before she finally gave up on sleep, swinging her legs out the bed. The shuffling on the bed sheets was enough to pull him from his sleep once more.

"Lisa?" Stopping quickly, cursing his hearing she needed to think up an excuse. Fast.

"I think I heard Paul..." Getting up and out the bed she leaves the room before he had the chance to argue. 15 minutes pass before curiosity got the better of him and he forces himself up. He finally discovered her in the kitchen, sat at the table with a glass of water.

"Paul okay?" Looking up her face filled with frustration at him following her she nods.

"I was hearing things, he's sound asleep." He knew her well enough to know when something was wrong, her eyes were heavy to the point he wasn't sure she'd slept at all.

"So why didn't you come back to bed then?" Rubbing her head she changes her focus to her hands over her partner.

"Couldn't sleep." Sighing he takes a seat next to her.

"What's wrong? No excuses this time" Rolling her eyes why did he always want to talk?

"It's nothing."

"Obviously it's not, you've not slept all night." A shrug was the only reply she was forthcoming with now, leaving him to continue the conversation. "I know you're scared about miscarriage but you don't have any of the stress you had last time, there's no reason to suspect anything will go wrong." Looking up at him she shakes her head.

"It's not that." Half replies, he hated that yet it's all he seemed to get out of her lately.

"Then what is it? Is there something you're not telling me." Outrage now, how dare he.

"Of course not!" Pushing herself up from the table she heads to the kettle, flicking it on for their morning coffee. "It's Peter." That statement did not ease his confusion in the slightest.

"What about him?" Racking his brain he couldn't think of any reason she'd be so worried about Peter.

"His reaction to the news about the baby." Rubbing his head she was just confusing him more and more as this conversation continued.

"But he didn't say anything..." Pouring coffee for them both, despite his request at her to cut back, she sighs at his failure to understand her.

"Exactly!" Taking the coffee from her he decides to let the how much coffee is too much argument lie today.

"I'm confused..." Sitting back at the table, although further away from him than before she finally explains.

"By not saying anything at all he's showing he's not happy about it. He doesn't do well with explaining his feelings, more so if he thinks they'll upset someone so instead he'll keep quiet until he just explodes."  
"Ah..."

It wasn't until that evening, after work and school, before she got a chance to speak to her eldest about the impending arrival. She'd convinced Ryan to take Jake and Paul shopping so she'd be able to talk without thirty interruptions. Looking up at his mum as she walks into the living room he knew she wanted to talk but he didn't.

"What you watching?" Turning the television volume right now he wasn't in the mood for beating around the bush.

"What's wrong mum?" Smiling as she sits next to him, she shakes her head.

"Straight to the point as always." He shoots his mum a look, she was still avoiding the point.

"Yup...So what's up mum?"

"Look, I know you're not happy about the baby but nothing is going to..." Interrupting his mum quickly, he flings his hands up.

"I never said anything of the sort mum!"

"I know, it's the fact you didn't say anything that's worrying me. If it's not the baby you're unhappy with then what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Peter...Please.." Sighing he knew she wasn't going to give in.

"It's stupid mum..."

"And? Come on. Tell me." Keeping his eyes down, he caves despite knowing this would upset her.

"I know it's ridiculous but when you were having Paul dad died and..." trailing off he let his mum add the rest.

"And you're scared it will happen again?" Her heart broke with his fears, fears she herself were struggling with. It was a natural fear to have after the last time.

"Yeah...See! I told you it was silly." Placing her arm around her eldest she takes him close to her.

"It's not silly Peter, I understand. I can't promise you nothing is going to happen because I simply don't know but what happened to your dad, as horrific as it was, was down to him being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is nothing to say anything is going to happen again." Resting his head against his mums shoulders he relaxes in her comfort.

"I know mum."

"We'll all be fine. Oh and I forgot to tell you Charlie is coming to visit in two weeks." A smile instantly covers his face, glad of the distraction from memories of his dads death.

"Really?" Smiling back at his excitement she herself couldn't wait to see him although she'd have some explaining to do when he arrived.

"Yup. He's coming over to see us for a few weeks. That will be good won't it?"


	6. Chapter 6

"What time is his flight in again?" Sitting on the bed he watches his partner busy around the bedroom, attempting to get ready.

"12." Nodding in reply, despite knowing she wasn't paying him the slightest bit of attention, his mind then went elsewhere as he suddenly remembered something he'd been meaning to ask.

"You have told him haven't you?" Fussing with the long orange summer dress it just refused to sit right she refuses to look up at Ryan, knowing he was going to be furious.

"No." Trying not to laugh at his outrage she knew it would only wind him up more instead she sits to do her makeup.

"Why?! You're 18 weeks for christ sake Lisa! Do yo really expect him not to notice?!" Flinging his hands up in frustration, she was getting more and more difficult lately and harder to understand. Why she wouldn't tell her best friend she was expecting was beyond him, maybe she wasn't coping with this unexpected pregnancy quite as well as he thought. As she focusses on her makeup she attempts to explain herself.

"Look Ryan, he's not happy about us being together do you really expect him to be happy we're having a baby? Of course not. It will be easier to talk to him about it when he's here rather than through emails where each others words can be taken wrongly." Calming straight down as she smiles gently at him through the mirror she did speak sense.

Not too long later she was attempting to rush through arrivals to find Charlie but with all the crowds she wasn't getting very far or having much luck. If only she'd left on time for once. Eventually she finds him dragging his suitcase towards the doors, rushing towards him even a year had been too long. She couldn't believe how delighted she was to see him again.

"There you are!" Spinning round on hearing her voice his face instantly lights up at the sight of her. Her face mirrored his, a large grin but instantly he noticed a sadness about her eyes. Pushing it out his mind for the moment he takes her into a strong hug.

"I've missed you." Glad to feel his arms around her once more she grins back.

"Me too." The hug didn't last very long for as he pulled her close he noticed something, something he wasn't expecting. Keeping his arms around her he stands up to take a better look at her, a guilty look washes upon her face as his eyes fixate on her bump.

"Ah, yes. I have something to tell you Charlie..." Utter shock now, he couldn't even muster a reply instead he stood staring at her like a total idiot making her laugh. Eventually he found the words he was looking for as she began to steer him to the direction of her car.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" He looked hurt and he felt it, surely they were closer than this? Yes he didn't like Ryan and wished more than she'd ever know she hadn't let with him but he'd never not be there for her.

"Don't look at me like that Charlie. To be completely honest I only told Ryan a month ago and by the time we finished having tests to be sure everything was alright I decided it would be easier to tell you in person. We only just told the boys too." Reaching the car she opens the boot, letting him fling his suitcase in.

" Everything is alright isn't it?" Nodding as she climbed into the car she smiles as he continues to question her. "Why didn't you tell Ryan?" Beginning to drive she expected this and knew it would continue a while yet.

"Are you really asking me that? After the way Andrew reacted with Paul?" He had to give her that one, if he were to be honest he had expected her to leave him and knew she regretted not doing so if she had maybe she wouldn't be with the current idiot.

"Fair point. How did he take it?" Turning up the air conditioning, having forgot Charlie wasn't used to the heat she shrugs slightly.

"A lot better than I did. He's delighted." There was something in her voice with that sentence, that sadness again but he knew better than to press her too much too quickly.

"And you? How far gone how are you?" She wasn't sure how to answer that one, she'd been so busy with work, the kids and the country club to really notice.

"18 weeks. I'm fine, doing a lot better than the last time. That's enough of pregnancy talk, how are you?" He'd expected her to change the subject, knowing she didn't like prying so just goes with it.

"Well I'm glad to hear that. Ah I'm fine, nothing to report. Work is slowly getting back to normal after the train crash."

"I still can't believe that. Anna was far too young." Shaking her head as they got closer to home she didn't really want to think about that.

" She was, everyone was still getting over Jack." Flicking her indicator to go up the long winding drive she sighs.

" I can't believe that yet either. It's Holby, so much heartache." Taking in his new surroundings he can't get over where she lived. It was simply stunning and so grand.

"It's not all bad Duffy." Swinging into her parking space she shoots him a look.

'Isn't it? Maybe my memory is failing me then." Climbing back out the car she opens the boot once more. " Come on, I'll take you in this door to save you been question by that mad lot." The mad lot meaning all the staff Ryan had working for him as nice as they were it would take ages to get away from them.

"Duffy this place is stunning." Smiling as she opens her front door she twists back to see him and take in her view.

"Isn't it? There is plenty to see. Come inside, I'll flick the kettle on and go relieve Ryan of Paul. You won't believe how big he's got." Following her into the house, or rather part of the country club they kept separate for themselves places the suitcase under the staircase as he follows her to the kitchen. He still couldn't quite believe she lived here and not in rainy England.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 x

Getting out the shower he could hear Duffy and Ryan arguing, all be it trying to do it quietly. He'd only been here a week but he got a strong impression all was not well within their relationship but then again maybe he was seeing what he wanted to see. He'd made it no secret that he didn't approve of their relationship, not that he'd mentioned it since arriving but he just didn't trust Ryan. Once a con man always a con man. As he got dressed he could hear Duffy's voice get louder before the door shutting and Ryan obviously going to run the country club. Glancing out the bedroom window Ryan was standing just outside, his hands at his head looking terribly frustrated. God knows what they were fighting about but if Ryan looked that wound up she was going to be worse. Heading doing the stairs he could hear her movements in the kitchen, trying to distract herself. Smiling at her, pretending not to have heard them, as he enters the kitchen she swings around on hearing him and gives a half hearted smile back. She looked tired not to mention upset and that was the way he found her most mornings.

"Morning." Passing Paul his breakfast she replies again half heartedly with "Hey." Frowning he gives up his pretence. It was hard to stay out of their disagreements when all wanted to do was her to see sense and leave him, not that he'd been cruel or nasty to her since he arrived.

"Everything alright? I heard raised voices..." Flicking the kettle on she grabs two cups and places them at the side before twisting to face Charlie. She'd tried to keep her voice down this morning, not wanting Charlie to hear but Ryan had wound her up so much she forgot.

"Ah. Sorry." Shaking his head she was avoiding the question.

"Don't be. Are you alright?" Making their morning coffee she considers her answer carefully before passing him a cup and taking a seat at the kitchen table. The last thing she wanted was for Charlie to dislike Ryan more than he already did but it was difficult with them not getting on right now. If only Charlie had visited before she got pregnant. It was all so much easier back then. Less to fight about.

"I'm fine. It was just the work argument again." She knew Charlie had overheard them disagreeing over her working more than once, he'd just been too polite to admit it.

"Ah. I'm guessing he wants you to give up your job?" Rolling her eyes as she places the cup back on the table she nods.

"He didn't want me to take the job in the first place. It's only two days a week for christ sake and yes of course I'll give it up eventually. I can't look after a newborn a toddler a child and a teenager, work at the hospital and help run the club and golf course. But I don't see why I should give it up now." Out of all Duffy's past relationships there had always been the same problem, her job and eventually her job always won. If Ryan had any hope of her staying with him he had to realise that and faster than Billy, Peter, Paul and Andrew had.

"Why can't you work? Peter and Jake will be a school, Paul at nursery and Ryan should be able to run the club himself with all the staff he has and he can always have the baby two days a week whilst you work. I don't see the problem." Leaning over the table she encouraged her toddler to eat his breakfast and not just play with it before looking back up at Charlie. He spoke sense and it was something she'd thought of already but Ryan was refusing to budge.

"Ha! Can you imagine the response I'd get if I suggested that? He's angry enough at me for refusing to leave until 35 weeks never mind going back."

"If he expects you to be the happy housewife then he doesn't know you well at all Duffy. Why can't he step away from the club? Why is it always the woman who is expected to give up work? You've never let anyone tell you what to do, don't start now." Rubbing her head with one hand she sighs.

"I know Charlie. He's a bit like Andrew was, old fashioned. I did used to complain that my job back home took too much of my time up. He's just worried it will be too much to deal with. I guess it's something we will just have to address again further down the line." There was that sadness in her voice again but he still knew she wouldn't respond well if he question her yet. He had to bide his time. Not to mention she still referred to England as Home not New Zealand, maybe she was missing it more than she wished to admit.

"Do what is right for you Duffy, not anyone else." Standing up before picking up her toddler, another argument he'd heard them have often this past week, she'd missed Charlie's talks. No one could calm her down like he could.

"Don't worry, I will. Now I best clean up the trouble maker. Help yourself to breakfast. I won't be long." Heading out the room and upstairs as Paul protested in her arms that he didn't want to be clean he hoped Duffy wouldn't make the same mistake again and stay in a relationship for the sake of her children. It didn't work with Andrew and it wouldn't work this time either.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

There's a twist in store here, enjoy. This is one Chuffy fans will want to read :)

Standing in front of the mirror she glances at her figure, now half way through her pregnancy there was no denying it any longer. But as her bump grew her relationship with Ryan fell apart bit by bit. Or maybe it was because Charlie was here, reminding what she'd lost and missed. Each day brought a new argument between herself and her partner to the point Peter had cottoned on, despite them trying to keep any disagreements at bay until the kids were out. It didn't matter that he hadn't witnessed a cross word between them the lack of communication between them was enough for him to realise. Maybe she was reading too much into it all, pregnancy hormones were a nightmare after all. Fixing her long navy skirt into place before pulling her white vest back into place she decides she best face the world, whilst hoping Ryan had already left for next door.

Around an hour before her he'd stood just outside his mind firmly on their relationship like hers was.

He honestly didn't know what was happening anymore. He loved her more than she'd ever know but lately she seemed to move further and further away from him, more so once Charlie arrived. He was worried about her and the baby, he knew how difficult her last pregnancy had been and the last thing he wanted was for this one to be the same but anytime he attempted to ease things for her she got angry and upset. He couldn't win. Of course he knew pregnancy hormones were no mans friend but he never expected it to be this bad. Sighing to himself, things had to get better but until they did life went on. Getting into the car, the club desperately needed supplies, he could only hope she wasn't having regrets.

Reaching the living room she was met with the sight of her best friend sitting on the floor playing cars with her son. He looked so content and happy making her heart ache with regrets. Glancing up at her still standing in the doorway he creases his face.

"Are you okay?" Shaking herself from her thoughts she smiles before joining him on the floor.

"Yeah, just pregnancy brain. I"m sure I was going to do something but for the life of me I can't think what." Laughing at her whilst still playing cars with Paul he shakes his head.

"Never mind pregnancy brain, you've always been like that." Play hitting him she argues back.

"Rubbish!" Laughing back he mind went to the message Ryan had asked him to pass on.

"Oh Ryan said to tell you he'd be late home." Her face instantly falls at the mention of his name so much so he feels guilty having brought him up.

"I see." Placing a hand on her arm he finally caves, worried about her.

"Duffy? What's going on?" She wanted to tell him how unhappy she was but couldn't. He told her not to go back to him, he told her she'd regret it. But it wasn't anything he'd done, he treated her well and loved her. The problem was her.

"Nothing." Shrugging, wishing she'd open up, he tried once more.

"Okay. Could have fooled me though..." Her face breaks again, worse this time. He had no idea what he was expecting her to admit. Why was he always bloody right?

"It's my own fault..."

"What is?" Her eyes fall to her bump, words disappearing. Placing his arm back on her shoulder he continues. " Lisa if you aren't happy please just leave him." Her eyes shoot up at his words.

"You make it sound so easy! My children are happy here Charlie! As far as Paul is concerned Ryan is his dad and incase you've forgotten I'm pregnant! I can't just walk away!" Not backing down or being put off my her anger, he calmly continues.

"You've down this before Lisa please don't do it again. You deserve to be happy." Refusing to meet his eye once more she sighs.

"Other things matter more..." Shaking his head he wished she wasn't so stubborn.

"If you're happy the kids will be. Paul won't remember life with Ryan if you leave now, just like Peter doesn't remember life before Andrew." Shaking her head she places one hand on her swollen stomach.

"He loves me Charlie, I can't do that to him. This is his first child." Getting closer to her as Paul got fed up and wandered through to the next room full of his toys he just wasn't get through to her.

"But you don't love him Lisa! Don't do this to yourself. Please!" Looking into his gaze, his eyes were so deep, so full of soul. He was right, she didn't love Ryan. But it wasn't as simple as that, she loved someone else.

"Don't make me out to be the victim in this Charlie. It's my fault this relationship isn't working."

"There is always blame on both sides, you know that."

"Oh yeah? How is it his fault I'm in love with someone else?" Taken a back by her words he wasn't expecting that. Unable to take his eyes off her he replies with something he knows he'll probably regret.

"You can't help who you fall in love with but don't let the chance at happiness escape you Duffy. Tell him." Staring at him she doesn't think about what's she's saying or doing anymore.

"You really think so?"

"Yes. I've too many regrets at not telling someone. Don't make the same mistake." Both moving closer again, neither thinking, a second later the lips locked. No words needed to be said, they knew what the other had meant. Too long had they both longed for this. Neither thinking of the consequences.

Before the could go much further or realise what they were doing the loud knocking at the front door broke them from their actions. Shock on both their faces without a word Duffy forces herself up from the living room and towards the front door leaving Charlie to think about what they'd done. Minutes later she hadn't returned instead he heard her loudly replying to someone "No! Tell me here, now!" Getting to his own feet he follows her to the front door to be met with a policeman standing before her. He was older, his face broken. He'd been a policeman since he was in his early twenties but no matter how many years of experience he still hated this part of his job. The feeling of dread only multiplied on seeing the woman's, who had confirmed herself as the women he was looking for, swollen figure. As a man approached them he caved to her demands, knowing she wasn't going to give in and let in tell her inside and sitting down as he requested.

"Mrs Johnson..." Before he could say another word she corrected him.

"We aren't married. It's Duffin."

"Sorry, Mrs Duffin. I"m very sorry to tell you this but I'm afraid Mr Johnson died a short while ago..."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

Please feel free to review, constructive criticism is welcome :)

Nothing about that day got any easier. The policeman eventually was allowed into the house as he explain to them both that Ryan had been killed in a head on collision caused by a drunk driver who had also been killed, clearing up the confusion to how he could have died next door without anyone getting them or coming to her for help. Not that it helped the shock or made them feel the slightest bit better. That of course meant it was up to them to tell all the staff, or rather up to Charlie as Duffy was in no fit state to do that. She was completely in a state of shock, just like he was. Of course he didn't know them, he couldn't comfort them so instead it was decided to phone Steve through and break the news to him and let him round up everyone else. The heartbreak on Steve's face was hard enough to deal with, reminding him what was to come. Then they were left with the worst task, the task no one ever wanted to do. Tell the kids. Steve had kindly offered to go get Peter and Jake from school before word got out. As the front door opened once more Duffy forced herself to stop crying, not that it was any easy task. Their broken faces would stay with him as long as he lived, the fact that this was the second time he'd seen this family's world crumble just made the whole situation harder to deal with. No one should have to go through this twice, especially children. How they were going to get through this again he didn't know. Not to mention how do you explain to a child as young as Paul that his dad was dead? He of course was left with the same worry as last time that grief she was trying to deal with would cause problems with her pregnancy. It wasn't long after Andrews death before she went into early labour but she was only 20 weeks this time, far too early for problems and to make matters worse there was so little he could do to prevent anything happening.

It was two days later before she came out with what he knew she was struggling with more than anything. More than the sudden death of Ryan and even more than seeing her children broken once more. The boys had decided to go out and see friends, the first time they'd left the house since Ryan's death and Paul was taking a nap. He was busy doing dishes as she sat at the kitchen table watching him. Exhaustion of not sleeping for two days was written all over her face but her mind wasn't on sleep. It was on guilt.

"This is all my fault..." Swinging round to face her, bubbles half way up his arms, he shakes his head.

"If you're going where I think you are, don't. This isn't your fault." Glaring back she didn't want comfort or lies, this was her fault no amount of hoping was going to change that. Out of everything she relied on Charlie for she thought she could rely on him to be honest with her.

"How can you say that?! We had a fight, he was furious and got in the car. If he hadn't been so angry this wouldn't have happened!" She was emotional, grieving and completely blind to the truth. Guilt was blinding her.

"Him being angry had nothing to do with it Duffy. You know it was some drunk that caused this. Not you." She began to break as he knew she would just as his heart broke with her once more.

"It did Charlie!" As the tears began to fall she forces herself to keep going before she lost all confidence in saying what she'd been trying to get out since it happened. " I know I wasn't happy and wanted to leave but I didn't want him dead! I'm being punished for what we did..." Having dried his hands he steps forward and crouches down to take her hands into his. Looking into her tear stricken eyes he gives her hands a squeeze.

"What we did Lisa wasn't morally right but you are not being punished for it, it was an awful coincidence nothing more. Please don't torture yourself." Yanking her hands out of his as she jumps to feet, tears still rushing down her face she yells back as he expected she would.

"I can't not! I was cheating on him as he died Charlie! He loved me and that's how I repaid him!" Placing his hands on her shoulders, stoping her from rushing off he attempts to get her to see sense.

"Don't! Please don't start seeing him in rose tinted glasses Duffy! He wasn't perfect, he hurt you more than anyone else and for that I'll never forgive him. Yes he loved you but that doesn't excuse everything he did to you and before you say it I know you hurt him too but your human, just like him. Don't tear yourself apart with guilt, let yourself grieve." Fighting to get out of his hold she argues back.

"I can't!" Through sobbing she finally gives into her emotions and falls apart in his arms "If I don't hold onto the guilt I need to accept he's gone...I can't do this again." Pulling her in closer he shuts his eyes as she cries, feeling the guilt she was struggling with himself. But they didn't cause this, they were just the people left behind that had to cope and accept this. There was so many decisions that needed to be made, decisions he knew she didn't want to make but right now they didn't matter. The only thing that did was that the boys and her were as okay as they could be.


	10. Chapter 10

Watching the ripples in the pool water as the sun set behind it she tried not to think of current events but instead let the relaxing nature of her view calm her somewhat. Dressed in a loose dress that fell to her knees she had no intention of getting into the pool but dipping her feet in was enough to soothe her. Her dogs, two German shepherds, continued to play in the garden at her side as two of her kids argued inside over the xbox and Charlie put her youngest to sleep, something she continued to struggle with as that was Ryan's 'job'. Letting her hand trace shapes in the water she didn't feel the immense pain at his death like she had with Andrews but that pain was replaced with guilt, guilt for what she'd done and for not loving him like he had loved her. Peter and Jake were struggling to come to terms with Ryan's sudden death just as she expected them to, more so Peter as his and his and hers earlier fear had proven true. Of course she wasn't coping well herself but compared to last time it was a vast improvement, if you could call it that. She could function, just about, which was asking far too much after Andrew died. But then again it still hadn't sunken in that he was gone, yes she cried and could say the words but part of her still expected him to walk in the door. He fooled her once before.

Having finally got Paul to sleep he eventually found her outside sitting at the pools edge. Her silhouette against the stunning sunset would have made a beautiful photo if the timing had been right but now was not the time to capture memories. Careful of the cat asleep beside her he takes a seat next to her, curling his legs under himself. She didn't turn to face him but instead continued to trace shapes in the pool.

"Did he go down alright?" Watching her he nods, trying to reassure her.

"Yeah much better, he didn't cry for his dad." That simple statement calmed her greatly like he hoped. Today had not been the easiest of days for her, he was glad to see her somewhat calmer.

This morning she had been a bag of nerves, today was her 20 week scan despite the fact she was further along than 20 weeks. Her original date for this scan had been the day after Ryan died so naturally it was rearranged. Now that his funeral had passed and she was attempting to get into whatever normal was now she had to do this. Of course it shouldn't be difficult but anything about the baby with him was usually too much. By the afternoon she was no better than this morning despite him attempting to reassure her numerous times. Sitting in the waiting room she was focusing on playing with her hands as her toddler played in the corner with some toys provided by the hospital. There were a few other people about, not that she took any notice of them. Stepping into the waiting room an older women smiled towards Paul for turning her attention onto them.

"Duffy?" For a moment he was confused until he remembered she knew these people, she worked with them. Standing up he grabbed Paul, despite his protests that he wanted to play cars and followed them out the waiting room.

Not long later he was sitting on the chair beside her, the toddler on his knee complaining he was bored. The woman, whose name he'd already forgotten smiles as she reassures them both everything looked fine.

"Any preference to what you're having?" Smiling, although not as strongly as she normally would have, she doesn't need to think much before replying.

"A boy…" Shocked he tilts his head at her.

"Really?" Smiling still she nods, explaining herself.

"I don't know how to look after girls…" Her face changed as she continued speaking "Ryan wanted a girl though…" The woman, a smile still on her face turned her head back to the screen.

"Do you want to know what you're having?" For a second she didn't react, nor answer, completely unsure. But a nod from Charlie seemed to push her into answering.

"Why not." Double checking before revealing she smiles at them both.

"Well Duffy, I'd put your learning hat on. You're having a girl."

Of course that reveal was followed by a fresh batch of tears that took some time to disappear or rather run out. One thing he knew for sure this little girl was screwed when she was a teenager with her first boyfriend with 3 older brothers to protect her. Or girlfriend, it was the 21st century after all. Rubbing her shoulder as she continued to focus on the pool he couldn't help but worry about her.

"You alright?" Before she could answer her eldest son ran into the garden.

"Mum! Paul's woke up, he's crying." Getting to her feet she begins to head into the house as her son continues. "He's crying for Ryan mum." Watching his mum's face completely break in front of him like he knew it would he looks to Charlie for help, who was also already on his feet.

"I'll go Duffy, you go relax." Shaking her head she sighs. Knowing she was going to have to do this eventually.

"No! He's my son, I'll go."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

"Are you sure about this Duffy?" Standing at the front of the house and club she was looking past him, behind him. She barely reacts to his question as she turns her head away from the building and instead watches her youngest son play with the two dogs in the private garden to her right as she eventually answers him.

"Yes. What other choice do I have Charlie?" Rubbing his head he tried to think of another way around it all. This couldn't be the only option. He felt she was moving far too quickly not mention moving whilst heavily pregnant or a newborn in toe was simply ludicrous to him. She was nearly 30 weeks for christ sake, where on earth was she going to go? He'd been too scared to ask if she was planning to stay here or move back home.

"You have other options Duffy, don't rush it. Wait until after the baby is born at least. You're putting too much pressure on yourself." She still avoided looking at him, her eyes still firmly on Paul. Her mind set, despite his worries.

"I'm not! I can't run this place, I'm a nurse and it's hardly like I'll be able to do that for some time! Not to mention I could do with the money..." Trying to think of ways around it only one was coming to his mind but he was too aware she wasn't going to take kindly to it.

"What about Andrew's insurance money?" She scoffs, wishing with all her heart she'd never accepted that money. Surely he was aware of that?

"That's not mine, it's the boys." The next sentence, not that she let him finish it, was out his mouth before he had a chance to think.

"Well did Ryan have a..." Swinging round to face him finally her face was full of rage at the mere suggestion. Couldn't he see what had happened because she'd taken Andrews?

"Don't! Don't even go there! I don't care if he had an insurance policy or not." Softening his features fall, wondering how he'd convince her to do the right thing here as she turned away from him once more.

"Duffy please don't let what Ryan did stop you from making the sensible decision now."

"Sensible? Do you understand how much pain I have caused myself and my children by taking that money?! I am making the sensible choice now, same as I should have before." She had certainly digged her heels in on this one to the point he wasn't at all sure he'd manage to shift her.

"If you hadn't you wouldn't be in this lovely country Duffy or having your little girl. Think of the positive things that have happened, as hard as it is." He could see her emotions were trying to get the better of her but she was stubborn as she continued to battle through them.

" Don't! Please! I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life lying to my kids because of my decsions, pretending that I loved Ryan when in fact I didn't and was about to leave him. I never loved him Charlie. What positive can I take from that?!" Closing the distance between them he steps forward as she keeps her eyes focussed on her son who was still contently playing with the dogs.

"Then why did you leave with him? You're upset, you felt more for him than you want to admit right now." Still unable to meet his eye she was sure where she was going with this conversation but feared she might regret it.

"After all the pain of the past few years I just couldn't stay in Holby anymore, he was my ticket out. I don't Charlie, I was and am in love with someone else." Unsure completely if she really meant what he thinks she does he treads carefully.

"Why not admit it to this man then? He'd have to be a fool not to leave for you." Finally meeting his eye her chest rises slowly, building up the courage despite knowing the timing couldn't be worse.

"You didn't leave for Baz, I would never ask to do that." Hiding his shock at her statement, he rubs her shoulder stepping even closer.

"I'd have left for you Duffy in a heartbeat."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

I'm going to switch this to completed now as there is another Chuffy fiction I want to post but I might come back to this. :D

To say the last few weeks have passed by in a blur was putting it lightly. Now back in his own home in rainy Holby New Zealand already seemed a life time ago. But of course it wasn't simply back home and back to the way it was before. Everything had changed. As if to prove his point Duffy's youngest burst into the living room completely naked shouting his tiny lungs off. Laughing he forces himself off the couch where he'd been watching tv to grab the energetic toddler just as Duffy rushed in, well as much as she could been 35 weeks pregnant.

"For heavens sake Paul! It's just a bath! Sorry Charlie." Shaking his head as he manages to grab Paul.

"Don't worry about it." As she rubs her head in frustration, one hand on her back, he tried once more to convince her to rest. "Why don't I give Paul his bath and you can put your feet up for five minutes." Despite how tempting that sounded her instant reaction was to tell him no. The last thing she wanted was for him to be constantly running around after her children. This was the overriding reason she was reluctant to move in with him. It took quite a few days, in-between organising moving back, for him to convince her.

"No it's fine. You've done enough already, go back to watching your film." He wasn't giving in that easy.

"Come on, you know your GP told you to rest more, you've been on your feet all day. I haven't done anything, helping the boys paint their rooms does not count."

"It does so!" She knew it wasn't going to take much for her to give in to him tonight. Exhausted was not the word. Well who wouldn't be in her position? within the last month she had put her home and business up for sale, sold it, sorted out the boys schools and moved to another part of the world all whilst heavily pregnant. Of course it wasn't all completed and she was prepared to have to fly back out once she'd give birth not to mention she was still waiting on the dogs getting through all the process that came with taking dogs to another country but the amount she'd manage to do was quite shocking. Normally of course she wouldn't have rushed it all but time was running out and she needed a letter from her midwife to prove she was fine to fly as it was the longer she left it the bigger the risk was that she wouldn't be allowed, more so with her history of early labour. Now she was finally back home with Charlie and the boys things could go back to whatever normal was now. As for her kids they seemed to be adapting as well as could be expected. Paul's main complaint was that this place was too cold and he wanted the dogs and her older two were not best pleased about moving again but she knew deep down they were glad to be home. As much as they loved New Zealand it just wasn't right with Ryan. As for moving it wasn't over, as nice as Charlie's home was it just wasn't big enough for the five of them never mind once the baby arrived and both dogs. Not that it had been brought up just yet. Glancing back up at her partner she finally sighs.

"Fine. But only because I'm totally exhausted. I'll go check the older two." Shaking his head at her he begins to head out the door and towards the bathroom, unable to resist throwing back.

"You're never going to make it to 40 weeks at this rate." Ignoring him she just shakes her head in response as she follows him up the stairs before heading off into one of the bedrooms. It might have been a throw away comment but he really did mean it, she only got to 36 weeks with Paul and he highly doubted she was going to make it much further this time. It was a heavy worry of his whilst he was at work and she was home with Paul or all three kids alone. As much as he could he made sure someone was with her if her labour with this baby was anything like the last one they wouldn't have much time to react and get her into the hospital. He could only hope he was home when she did go into labour. As for their relationship taking it slow was the best way to describe it really. With all the heartache she'd had recently it was the only way forward and it suited him perfectly. He had waited so many years to have her in his life like this, no matter how slow they took it was worth it. Finally he felt happy with his life again, both work and home. In his eyes he was one lucky man no matter how many crying babies, screaming toddlers or teenage moods he had to deal with. It was worth it. Every bit.


End file.
